Teatro Triste del Clown

Robin Selfridge
Member posted February 28, 2000 06:25 PM
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This posting is for all of the cast members who were late for their call on the Feb 26 show. It shows a lack of professionalism on your part and sets a bad example for the alternate players. As the Interim Director, I have decided to pull the following players out of this week�s matinee:
Jay Grinnell
Joey Michaels
Anthony Gross

Please be prompt in the future.

R.
Member posted February 29, 2000 04:51 AM
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To Herman, Interim Director and now-former-roommate.
Apparently, one person in the apartment thought it would be “funny” to put Joey’s tropical fish in the toilet. Well, lo and behold, Jay comes home and, not knowing about your little joke, assumes its some sort of parasitic invasion and flushes. Of course Joey freaks and is crying so hard he refuses to come out of his room. I got his therapist on the line, and she said those damn fish were the only lifeline he had left. So, after Jay and I talked Joey off the ledge, basically spending an hour cleaning up another mess you caused, we rushed to the gig. Yeah, we missed warm-ups, and I admit that I should have worked harder to keep Joey from getting you in that strangle hold, but seeing as you’d just undone seven years of psychotherapy, I figured perhaps just this one time you deserved to have the life choked out of you.

Seeing as this all started because of your idea about what constitutes (I believe the answering machine message said) “just a little joke,” I can only imagine the kind of humor you’ll be encouraging. We say “go on without us!”

Anthony Gross
Now Former Member (hint hint) of Sad Clown Rep

Robin Selfridge
Member posted February 29, 2000 08:56 AM
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Cast-
I have chosen the next alternate player to become an intern member of SCR. CONGRATULATIONS BONNIE DUBOIS!

Herman Everett
Acting Interim Director, SCR

Anthony,
I accept your resignation from SCR. Since the kind of humor we are striving for is artistically divergent from your own, I can only wish you the best in all your future endeavors. Along with my things, I took the liberty of expropriating my fourth of the entertainment center. Please put my security deposit toward a prorated February rent payment and remit the remainder to me here at the theatre.

H.E.

jcat
Member posted February 29, 2000 10:28 AM
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Hey Sad Clowns-
I am soooo psyched to be one of you now. I want you to know that I had to audition for Herman the same way everyone else did, and I didn’t just get this job by being his girlfriend. I plan to work just as hard (if not harder) than everybody else. For example, by coming to the shows at Clancy’s Bar for the past six months, I can see so many ways that you guys can improve. I’ll write them all down and bring it to the next rehearsal.

You guys are all so cool. I sooo look forward to working with all of you. Herman is such a great director, right.

See ya’

Bonnie D.

R.
Member posted February 29, 2000 06:53 PM
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Heh Scumbag!
The TV is NOT one frickin’ fourth of the home entertainment center. Well, ok, technically, it is 1/4 of the total equipment, but without the TV, the other 3/4 of the equipment is pretty incredibly useless. Joey was the first to see it and by the time Jay and I got back Joey had already called his dealer. Four years off the hard stuff, and one callous act on your part has set him down the highway to addiction. If Bonnie would just take a message for you, we would have been able to leave this message at your apartment. Frankly, reading the earlier message on this callboard, I’m stunned to learn that she can write.

By the way, if you feel like keeping the police out of this, you should contact Jay, not me. I have an audition for WLIA and will be in LA for the next couple of days.

Up yours,
Anthony Gross
Former Member Sad Clown Rep

Robin Selfridge
Member posted March 01, 2000 09:29 AM
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Cast-
Just a reminder that this is not the place to post personal messages. Also, I’m concerned that people who aren’t company members have access to this bulliten board. Who was working front of house on Monday evening?

Herman Everett
Acting Interim Director

taucross
Member posted March 01, 2000 10:13 AM
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Right. I forgot to leave you a note explaining why the total was all funky. See, we had 19 people there at the regular $7 and there were these five guys who were asking about a student discount. I told them we didn’t have one, but they kept saying we used to. So I was going to ask Linda but I couldn’t find her, I guess she was smoking or something. So their tickets were $5. And there was this group with our 5 for 4 coupon, but they only had 3 and wondered if they could get any sort of discount anyway. So I did the best math I could and sold them tickets for $5.60 each. The people behind them in line had the same deal, but forgot their coupon. So we took in a total of $171.60 minus $3 I borrowed to buy some cokes.
And there were 22 comps.

Hope that’s all cool.

Toby

[This message has been edited by taucross (edited March 01, 2000).]

Chibi
Member posted March 01, 2000 04:11 PM
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Hey guys! Sorry about last night’s show. I guess I was on a roll and forgot I was in an ensemble. My friends loved the show and said how funny I was. Teamwork, guys, is so important. I know I’m really shit. Also, I apologize for not letting you guys know about the audition for that TV show. They wanted groups AND individuals, but I was so excited, I only confirmed myself. Looks like I’m getting a screen test! I probably wont get it. Thanks for your support!
Cookie St. Clair, Improver!

Joey Michaels
Member posted March 01, 2000 04:24 PM
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I thought you were great, Cookie. As you know this has been something of a stressful week for me, with the loss of the fish and TV, then the relapse and everything. The more time I can sit on the sidelines, the better. You’re the tops with me
Herman: I know Anthony has written some harsh things on the callboard. You know he still loves you, and if you decide that you want to leave Bonnie and come back to him, I bet he’d weep for joy.

Oh, and Toby: thanks for letting my buds in the other night. I’ll hook you up whenever you want.

Joey “Joe” Michaels
Sad Clown Rep

Bill McEvoy
Member posted March 01, 2000 05:40 PM
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Hey Herman!
Does Bonnie still make that funny squeaky sound at climax?

Jay

jcat
Member posted March 02, 2000 10:28 AM
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Jay and Joey-
I haven’t totally comfirmed this with Herman yet, but you guys are soooo out of the group. I can’t believe you would bring up Herman’s OLD latent homosexuality, which sooo doesn’t exist any more. Or the fact that we used to go out, Jay. That was a very short relationship (in more ways than one.

In order to to good improv you need trust. And if I can’t trust you guys then you can’t be in the group any more. Herman has several great things coming up and I’ll let everybody in on them as soon as I tell him. In the meanwhile, GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD GARBAGE.

Bonnie D.

[This message has been edited by jcat (edited March 02, 2000).]

flibbleflabble
Member posted March 02, 2000 11:24 AM
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Hey you guys!!!!!!!
This is Toby McVeigh in the hizowse!!! I’m from the 1991 troupe with the legendary Christmas matinee show at Leister Coffee (crock pot death)!!! Anyway, the whole New York deal didn’t really work out, so I’m coming back to Raleigh!!! I’ll be at the next rehearsal you say when you say where and everything and my wife and I kind of split too so it’s cool this time I’ll be reALLY committed even if I haven’t seen the troupe since ‘93 hey once a Sad Clown ALWAYS a sad clown!!!!! hahahaha!!!

CLOWNZ ROX!!! 4EVR!!!

Joey Michaels
Member posted March 02, 2000 03:19 PM
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Wow, Bonnie, major bummer there.
Well, since I hold the copywright to Sad Clown Rep name, and Jay holds the lease to the theatre, we’re taking this in stride. I’m just bummed out that we won’t be able to play with Herman anymore. He’s the bomb.

Anyhow, I wish you guys lots of luck in your to-be-named new improv group at your new to-be-announced theatre. We’ll be there chearing for you! At least I will.

Oh! Good news! Anthony didn’t get chosen for WLIA. He was too ethnic.

Joey Michaels
Sad Clown Rep

Robin Selfridge
Member posted March 02, 2000 05:08 PM
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Dear Fellow SCR�s,
I took the liberty of filing for a NC State service mark in June of 1999 under my and Scott Hempleman�s name. As Acting Interim Director during Scott�s sabbatical, I must inform Jay and Joey that SCR cannot be used without our permission and that the Board of Directors, which includes Bob Clancy, owner of Clancy�s Bar of which �Bob�s Backroom Theatre� is a part, remain committed to the current 2000 season. We will act swiftly and legally to cease and desist any breach of our legal rights with regard to this matter.

The Board and I have voted to remove SPM status from Jay and Joey. They are free to audition for our fall season. We ask that they please return the Backroom keys immediately. With the positions now available, I am announcing that Bonnie Dubois is now a Second-degree rotating member and Cookie St. Clair is now a Senior Permanent Member. CONGRATULATIONS LADIES.

Toby McVeigh-
Welcome back! Please check the Raleigh Register for upcoming SCR auditions and good luck!

Herman Everett
Acting Interim Director

aabnab
Member posted March 03, 2000 12:43 AM
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TO: Interim Director
From:State Employment Commission
It has come to the attention of this office through a suit filed by 44 current and former members that this theater is non-compliant with H.S. 450 and H.S. directive 639. As the theater seems to willfully continue with it’s lack of regard for the above stipulated laws, this theater shall cease performances forthwith until such time as immediate action is taken to remmedy this long standing policy of no alcoholic renumeration for services provided. As for the question of civil charges for the standard minimum wage, we will let the courts decide the efficacy of the two claimants who filed.

Joey Babcock

Office of Employment
Your State

[This message has been edited by aabnab (edited March 03, 2000).]

Chibi
Member posted March 03, 2000 08:38 AM
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OH MA Gawd! Thank you for the permanance! I have been an “A” for so long! After seven years, I never thought I’d be a “Z”! Nor did I think I’d ever get past the 1 1/2 shows a season and having to work the door all the time! Also, I almost quit when I had to poster every Saturday under threat of firing when only three of us showed up (don’t look in the trash can at Houston and Varick)!
OKAY, NOBODY READ BEYOND THIS LINE!!
Herbert, even though we’re sort of dating now, well, I promise this won’t change my attitude and committment! But we MUST stop exchanging glances at rehearsal, people will talk! They already suspect something because I’m in every one of the shows you’re directing, not to mention the tickling in the middle of that “Questions” scene and neck rubs during notes.

Cookie St. Clair
PERMANENT MEMBER!!!!!!
WHOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOO!

taucross
Member posted March 03, 2000 10:14 AM
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Herman–
If they close the theater and you guys don’t need me to do box office anymore, does that mean I have to start paying for classes? Also I really thought Joey was the coolest teacher and would hate to see him go. Please, please, please don’t put Bonnie in charge of classes. I’d prefer anything to that. Even Cookie. Please.
Toby (Goertz, not the other guy.)

DKYarborough
Member posted March 03, 2000 11:26 AM
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Attention all Singers, Dancers, Actors, and Improv Actors:
Disney Co., the world’s largest entertainment network, is holding auditions. We are looking for a few untarnished souls to damn to hell. If you enjoy people, are self-motivated, look pretty, and don’t mind taking it up the ass, then Disney is the place for you!

Call the Disney Hotline for details: 1-784-EVL MPYR

R.
Member posted March 03, 2000 03:30 PM
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Hi Herman…
Just clearing out some of my stuff from the office. My one fourth of the office equipment as it were.

I hope things work out with you and Cookie or you and Bonnie or you and whomever. I’m sure you’ll have all the success you deserve.

I see that Joey broke the news about WLIA. Yeah, I didn’t get any work there, but I just got hired by Disney. I’ll be playing the little pig who made his house out of wood for the next nine years. They’re really in to long term contracts.

Anyhow, I left a little surprise for you in the office. Enjoy.

Anthony Gross

Robin Selfridge
Member posted March 04, 2000 09:09 AM
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Dear SCR-
DO NOT USE THE WATER COOLER. I am temporarily indisposed and am putting Veronica Lowel in charge as the Acting Provisional Interim Director until I am out of St. Mary�s. Please cooperate with Deputy Cain if he questions you about the cooler.

Bonnie Dubois will be running the intermediate classes. I am confident that we will be able to reopen the theatre soon. Also, I�ve asked the city to remove the Ryder van that�s been blocking the loading dock.

Herman Everett
Acting Interim Director

Frank
Member posted March 05, 2000 07:41 AM
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Herman… Paula, Yvette, Debbie and I went to see the Clowns last night and the theater lights were off and nobody was around! We asked Bob Clancy what wuzzup’ and he said he wasn’t getting involved. What happened!?! Whatever is going on, just remember that the girls and I LOVE the Clowns and we will do anything we can to help. You guys rock!
BTW… if you see Joey, tell him that Debbie said she got checked out - the rash was nothing more than an allergic reaction to the “clams casino” she ate at Rozzino’s last week. She’s been trying to call him, but he never answers his phone. Thanx!

*hugs* Angie

Bill McEvoy
Member posted March 06, 2000 11:14 AM
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The memorial service for Herman will be held at Saint Agatha’s, McDonald Street between Howarth and Tyvoldt. Herman had asked that in lieu of flowers, donations in his name be sent to the Poison Control Hotline.
Veronica

Joey Michaels
Member posted March 06, 2000 01:15 PM
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First off, I’d like to thank Veronica for letting me back in the troupe. I don’t think I could have continued to force myself to the methadon clinic every day without this outlet. You’re the tops with me, Veronica, and I promise that our little “arrangement” will be honored. “Bob” sends his regards as a reminder, if you know what I mean.
I’m not sure whether this death thing of Herman’s is real or not. I know how strongly he felt about the company, and have a hard time believing he would just up and die, no matter how virulent a poison he ingested. If he’s not dead, good for him to trick us all like this! If he is dead, I hope we’ll be able to honor his wish to maintain his pelvis in the office for use in our famous scripted play about the Donner party.

By the way, word from the police is that Disney isn’t letting Tony out of his contract for something as minor as murder. The police are apparently scared to do anything. In the words of one Officer Stedanko “There’s nothing we can do to him thats as bad as what they are doing to him.” Whatever that means.

Joey Michaels
Beginers Class Instructor
SCR

Louise
Member posted March 06, 2000 03:00 PM
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Herman (or whoever is in charge of this group now):
I’m sorry to say that your March rent check is overdue. I’d like to say that I’m sure this is just an oversight, but having said that in January, December, and October, I’m getting tired of being polite.

Please note that the entire $3,000.00 is payable IMMEDIATELY, along with the $150 late fee. If payment is not received by the 10th, the late fee will be $300.

Also, this time I’d appreciate a check that doesn’t bounce.

Finally, you will have to be responsible for cleaning up the mess next to the water cooler. Tenants are always responsible for any damages they cause.

I believe in supporting the arts, but I have my limits.

Yours sincerely,
Janice Crosbie
Theatrical Properties Management, LLC

jcat
Member posted March 06, 2000 03:17 PM
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ATTENTION ALL EXPERIENCED IMPROVITORS:
I am currently looking for some people to participate in a great television opportunity!!! I have a really great connection at TV-13 Public Access cable that said we could do an improv show on TV!!!

I’m looking for some people who aren’t with Sad Clown Rep, which is an entirely disreputable group that does really bad improv. We might get a network deal out of this.

Get in touch with Bonnie DuBois in care of this bulletin board and tell me your experience, if you can take stringent direction without complaining, and how you feel about our town’s most famous (but worst) group, Sad Clown Rep.

See ya’ at the auditions!!!

Bill McEvoy
Member posted March 07, 2000 11:49 AM
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This is a copy of a letter I sent to our landlord:
Dear Janice,

Thank you for the rent reminder. As you may recall, the late Herman Everrett wrote to you in mid-February via restricted delivery (copy of return receipt attached), complaining about the tenants you’ve rented to upstairs, whose activities impede with our “free use and enjoyment” of our space, and explaining we were witholding rent until the issue was resolved. You have chosen to ignore this letter.

To recap:

The “Ping-Pong Palace” has not installed adequate soundproofing in their floor, as a result, our performances are peppered with the sound of bouncing plastic balls. For the first week it was cute, we’re improvisors, and we were able to justify the noise as the sound of rain on the tin roof, however, our audience quickly wearied of scenes taking place in backwoods cabins.

To make matters worse, they have now started “Lesbian Sundays” which coincides with our popular Theater Sports show. (As you may know , we’re the local franchisee.) The Lesbian Sundays often consist of loud, unharmonic all-girl bands, which really disrupts our shows.

Attendance has been down 30% since this started. We look forward to your swift response.

Sincerely,

Veronica Lowell
Acting Provisional Interim Director

jesus christ
Member posted March 07, 2000 06:43 PM
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Alright, seriously. I’m sure that all of you miss your dear friend Herman, and that you all wish for him to enter my holy kingdom, but sometimes all of the prayers in the world can not save a child molester from entering the fiery pits of hades.

I talked things over with my dad, and he may be able to keep him in purgutory for a few hundred years, but after that, He’s going into the deepest pits of hell. That is a final decision, so please stop praying to me on the matter of Herman’s eternal soul.
Jesus H. Christ
Son of God
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Joey Michaels
Member posted March 07, 2000 09:35 PM
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Hi All!
I see Jesus has left a note on the call board. Good, good. He’s been taking my beginer improv class, and I’ve been encouraging him to become more involved with the company as a whole. I told him “Heh, we welcome any help short of divine intervention!”

He has offered to raise Herman from the dead if we’ll give him some stage time. I’ve taken the matter up with Veronica, and she told me she’d get back to me. (Jesus is great at “expert talker” type game, but is sort of lame at the naive games - he seems to guess the party quirks a little too quickly, if you know what I mean).

Joey Michaels
Sad Clown Rep
Begining and Intermediate Class Teacher

aabnab
Member posted March 07, 2000 11:32 PM
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From: Stae Department of Alcohol and Tobacco
To: ClownCorp
It has recently come to the attention of this office that a volunteer from the company has been selling “home-made/ hand-made” wine without a purchase order finding it’s way to the local alcohol distributorships. As no taxes have been payed on such wine, please cease above mentioned action immediatley.

Surrender, now, and all will be forgiven.
Bob Caesar
PS. We will bw forced to report the forty loaves and fishes stored in the anadequate storage facility to the health department.

Chibi
Member posted March 08, 2000 09:40 AM
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ATTENTION! AUDITION NOTICE!!
I am forming a new repertory company called “Bad Clone Rep”. I have permission from the licensing guy in Canada to do the same show “Sad Clown Rep” did! We haven’t signed anything YET, but he gave me his word that it was okay!!!!

SOOOO: AUDITION:
Where: CRAP 21, 666 Hudson St. above the Muslim Center, we’re in the closet all the way down the hall on the left (but there’s a piano!)
When: Sat. at 8:00am-4:00pm
Who: Any Improvatier who has performed over 3 months and thinks they’re funny!

Call Cookie at 555.5555

Please, if you were with “Sad Clown”, I am only calling the people I like, so I will schedule with you, okay? KISSES!!
Cookie St. Clair

Robin Selfridge
Member posted March 08, 2000 10:21 AM
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Dear Improv community,
I am investigating allegations of inappropriate physical comedy in the improv classes for young people run by the late Herman Everett. If you have information concerning this matter, please post it publicly on this callboard as we�re having problems with the phones at the station.

Deputy Rutherford Cain
RPD

DKYarborough
Member posted March 08, 2000 11:15 AM
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THerEs a bOMb in tHE CASh boX

Louise
Member posted March 08, 2000 11:30 AM
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Ms. Lowell:
I did not ignore Hermann’s letter, as you allege. In fact, I responded within three days of receiving his letter (copy of delivery receipt attached). As I understand it now, he would have received that letter at about the time of the water cooler incident and his subsequent demise. While I can understand how my response might have been set aside or mislaid during such a time, since you have now taken over his job, I expect my letter to be responded to promptly.

Hermann was informed of the nature of the new upstairs tenants before they signed the lease. He objected vehemently until the two owners, Buffy and Boopsie — who are star ping-pong players and attractive young ladies as well — came in my office during our conversation. After goggling and drooling for some time, he withdrew his objections to their tenancy (copy of paperwork attached).

His decision to withhold rent came after they refused his suggestion of a sexual liaison. The nature of which I don’t know, and don’t care to know. I understand that theater people are like rabbits in this regard, but I really don’t care as long as they pay their rent on time and take care of the property.

I will take care of the sound problem as soon as I can. But what you people have failed repeatedly to understand is the difficulty of finding reliable contractors these days. The economy is so good, they have more work than they can handle. I have called many many contracting firms, but they all say it will take three or four weeks before they could even have someone come give me an estimate. I simply can’t wait that long.

This has been going on for two months, so I’m sure you can understand my exasperation.

Withholding rent is not a remedy in this instance, given Hermann’s statement on the record that he had no objection to the upstairs tenants.

Please call me at my office at your earliest convenience, so we can straighten this matter out. 555-1212.

Janice Crosbie

taucross
Member posted March 08, 2000 10:28 PM
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URGENT!! PLEASE RESPOND AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
Does anyone know how to diffuse a bomb? Please DO NOT just make an assumption. If you are unsure, DO NOT yes and someone else’s response. If you know someone has provided an inaccurate answer, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO NEGATE THEM! As near as I can tell, if I don’t get a response within ten minutes, please cancel my audition slot, Cookie, and thank you for the special consideration.

Anxiously,
Toby Goertz

Robin Selfridge
Member posted March 09, 2000 08:03 AM
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Dear improvisers,
I would like to apologize on behalf of Traffic Enforcement for not responding to the request to move the Ryder van parked in your loading dock. Our deepest sympathies are extended to the Goertz family and to Sad Clown Rep for your loss. (My cousin Rodger is a real ham. You should use him in your skits.) We are currently are seeking the whereabouts of Toby McVeigh for questioning in this matter. I am also interested in information on the Beginning Improv classes when and if another facility is found. It�s something I think I�d be good at. In High School, I played the Bear in “Reynard the Fox”.

Deputy Rutherford Cain
RPD

Louise
Member posted March 10, 2000 12:38 PM
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To all whom it may concern:
Since the premises at 45 Avenue A no longer exist, your lease is terminated herewith. Remove all tenant posessions immediately. Make sure all tenant-caused damages are repaired.

Please call my office, at 555-1212, to arrange final walk-through and inspection. This must be done within the next five (5) business days.

I wish you all the best of luck, wherever your new home may be.

Yours sincerely,
Janice Crosbie
Theatrical Properties Management, LLC

jcat
Member posted March 10, 2000 01:15 PM
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Good. I’m glad your stupid building blew up.
Since I guess, all of you are to good to come to my auditions, I had to take the TV spot myself. So when I’m rich and famous and on “Whose Line is it Anyway” or Disney comes knocking at my door (instead of the police, like you), then I’m gonna come back here and show you what improv is all about.

“Bonnie, By Herself” is on Channel 13, Friday night at 11:17pm (PRIME TIME). You can see the whole hour if you have Tri-state Cable, but if you have One World Corp. Cable Systems cable you’ll only see half of it and then some flower show comes on. Please watch