Image of Jesus Appears on Igor’s Nutsack
Joey Michaels on November 21st, 2001Originally Published at CockOnABun.com
Catholics around the world are flocking to Driven by Boredom after an image of Jesus manifested itself on Webmaster Igor’s nutsack. “No doubt about it,” said web pilgrim Juan O’Sullivan, “it is the second coming.”
The image of Jesus first appeared on Igor’s nutsack three days after he was voted off Survivorcam. He was showing some fans his newly self-pierced nuts when suddenly a soft glow surrounded them. An unmistakable image of Jesus carrying his cross could be seen right between the piercing and the base of Igor’s sizable manhood.
“Rhiannon had told us that our team had God on our side and that He would give us a sign,” said Igor, “I contacted her shortly after sweet Jesus appeared on my balls and asked her why the sign would manifest itself on me when I was voted off the team. She just gave me that ‘the Lord works in mysterious ways’ crap.”
Brother Lemule Szalontai, famous Catholic scholar, suggests two other reasons:
“First, God likes people to see his miracles sometimes, and Igor hadn’t been shy about flashing his testes. Of course, Lebastard, who had not yet been voted off the team, had also shown a willingness to drop trow. So, second, I suspect that God decided there wasn’t room on Lebastard’s schlong for a decent depiction of our Lord and Savior.”
Word of the testicular miracle quickly spread through the Catholic community.
“Since the manifestation, my site has gotten more hits from Catholics than any other cam site on the internet,” boasts Igor, “Well, except for Nay’s site.”
What do Catholics hope to get by gazing at an image of the Kings of Kings on Igor’s family jewels?
“I prayed in front of a cam capture of Igor’s holy nutsack for seventeen hours and now my goiter has cleared up,” testified O’Sullivan.
Another web pilgrim, Nathan Jones from Manila, gave further testimony:
“My wife and I have had some serious relationship problems. I am a sex addict and she is a nymphomaniac. After staring at Jesus of the Scrotom for two days, neither of us feels like having sex. Praise God!”
When asked how long the holy thing between Igor’s balls might last, Brother Szalontai replied, “It depends on how often he washes. As long as his ball remain clean, Jesus will be proud to make Igor’s package his home.”
Igor might not have the patience for that. Says the Webmaster:
“It used to be when I went on a Net meeting, the most I would have to worry about is that the girl would be underage. Now, I meet somebody calling themselves ‘SexyCamGirl’ and set up a Net Meeting only to find that ’she’ is actually a 57-year-old Catholic priest wanting to worship my stones. It is a little sick.”
In Argentina, one Catholic group has proposed that Igor be proclaimed a saint.
“I’m flattered,” replied Igor, “but don’t Saints have to be dead?”
This is only the second time in the history of the Internet that a cam person’s body has spontaneously manifested a Christian religious image. The first time was the famous 1998 Batty Cam event, when the Virgin Mary suddenly manifested herself in Batty’s hair after an unusually bad dye job.